Depressed
by Jinxy-24
Summary: Dimitri leaves Rose for Tasha. Rose gets depressed and ignores her friends. She decides that there is nothing else to live for than to be the best guardian she could be. Will she find another love or will Dimitri come back? Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Hey guys! This is my first fanfic ever. It probably suck because english is my second language and I'm not very good at it. I just love to write and I decided that I'll post something to see if somebody likes it. So tell me what you guys think. I don't mind the truth. if you think it sucks just say so.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for what i make up.**

**You're leaving?**

RPV:

Beep… beep… beep…

I groaned and sat up in my bed. I looked over at my alarm clock and it said 6:30. Great. I'm going to be late for practice again. Just great. Dimitri is going to be pissed.

I hopped out of my bed and ran to my bathroom and took a quick shower. I put on my black sweats and a red sports bra. Grabbing my sports bag I ran all the way to the gym. When I got there I was struggling to catch my breath.

"Sorry comrade. I know I'm late."

I took a close look at him and noticed that he wasn't dressed for practice. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a nice fitting shirt.

"Where are you going?" I asked confused "You could've told me yesterday you weren't going to be here. I could have gotten some more sleep like normal people." I joked.

I was expecting him to at least crack a smile but he was in his guardian mode. I knew something was up. Then he spoke.

"Roza, I'm leaving." He said with no emotion in his voice.

"When are you coming back?" I asked afraid of what his answer might be.

"I'm not coming back Roza. I took Tasha's offer. I'm leaving to be her guardian."

In that moment my whole world shattered. I was on the verge of tears. I felt like half of me was being ripped away from me, but I wasn't going to cry. No. I won't give him the pleasure of that. But he saw my unshed tears clearly as if they were falling.

"Roza," he started but I cut him off.

"Don't call me that!" I spat at him my voice full of venom.

"Rose, I love you and that's why I did it. I don't want to leave but I have to. It's better for both of us."

I couldn't believe what he just said. How can this be good in any way?

"No Dimitri. You don't love me. If you loved me you would have stayed here with me. I gave you my virginity and you just leave me here saying it's good for both of us. You make me fell cheap!" I shouted at him.

I was now freely crying. I turned around and stormed out of the gym, ignoring him calling out to me. All I wanted to do was get to my room curl into a ball and cry my sorrow out.


	2. Rose decided

**Authors Note: This is just another chapter of my story because the first chapter is boring and very short I decided to update another one.**

**Rose decided**

**Rpov:**

I changed from my training clothes to a pair of blue skinny jeans and a red shirt. I didn't want to go to class but I had to. I had Stan the first period. Awesome. Just the person I wanted to see right now.

When I got to the classroom I was 10 minutes late as usual. I stepped into the classroom not looking around. I went to sit down and Stan spoke up.

"How nice of you to grace us with your presence miss Hathaway. How come your always late?" he asked getting ready for the fight we usually have, but I was just too depressed to fight back.

"I'm sorry guardian Alto. It won't happen again." I responded and everybody in the class just stared at me in pure shock. After about three minutes Stan snapped out of his shocked stance and continued on with the lesson. I didn't pay attention at all.

When it was time for lunch I went to the gym. I wasn't hungry. I couldn't eat sleep or drink. The only thing in my head was Dimitri leaving me. I felt empty. Half of my soul left me and took my heart with it. I took my I-pod out of my bag and started running. The song on was Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson. When I did over 30 laps, I went back to the gym and started taking out my anger on the punching bag.

I was suddenly pulled in Lissa's head.

"Have you guys seen Rose? She skipped lunch and didn't go to any of her classes." Asked Lissa. They were having dinner. I could feel her worry through the bond. She knew I sometimes skipped classes but I never skipped lunch.

"Nope, I haven't seen her after our morning classes. She didn't look very well thou. She didn't even fight with Stan when she came late to class as she usually does. Rose actually apologized for being late." Answered Eddie in a very worried tone.

"We should go look for her. It's not like her that she would skip two meals of the day. She has the greatest appetite I have ever seen." Said Adrian and everybody agreed.

I pulled myself out of Lissa's head after that. They all went to look for me and the first place they would go to is probably my room so I had few more minutes in the gym.

I was still so sad and angry that Dimitri left me. I believed he loved me. I was so wrong. He didn't care about me at all. If he loved me, he wouldn't have left me for a scar-faced bitch. But what I hate the most is the fact that I can't hate him. I love him too much.

I got out of my daydream when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quickly turned around to punch whoever it was. Luckily it was Eddie and he blocked my fist from connecting with his face.

"Eddie! What the fuck! You scared me!" I screamed at him.

"Sorry Rose I was calling your name but you didn't hear me because of your music." He said apologetically. "We were all very worried about you. You didn't show up for any of your afternoon classes and we were scared that something happened to you."

"Well I'm all fine you can leave me alone now." I said bitterly and turned back to the punching bag.

"Rose," he said and caught my arm. Now I was seriously pissed and he didn't have enough time to block my blow this time. My fist connected with his face and I heard a crack and blood started pouring from his nose.

"I told you to leave me the fuck alone!" I screamed at him and stormed out of the gym.

Why don't just people understand that I want to be alone? I didn't want to talk to anybody. I was too angry and depressed.

I ran all the way to my room and when I got there I jumped on my bed and cried my self to sleep.

I was woken up by someone banging on my door. I tried to ignore it but it only got louder.

"Go away I'm trying to sleep you son of a bitch!" I screamed at whoever it was.

"Rose, open the door! I just want to talk to you. I was so worried about you and when Eddie told us how you punched him I got so scared that something was wrong with you." Lissa said with worry in her voice.

"Well I'm fine so just go away!" I screamed. I really didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what's wrong." She said determined.

"I don't want to talk about it so just leave me alone for fucks sake!" I was really pissed now and if she doesn't leave then I might hurt her and I will regret that so if she wants to help me, she should just leave.

"Ok Rose, I'll leave you now but we will talk about this later." She answered and I heard her footsteps get lost in the distance.

I was left alone to think. Dimitri left me. There was nothing to live for now. Actually, there was one thing. I want to be the best guardian ever alive. And I will do anything for it.


	3. Who did this to you?

**Hey guys! I hope you like this story so far. If you think there is too much swearing just say so and i will try to put less swear words it the story. If you have any suggestions or ideas what should happen it the story just review. I already made an outline but i can always change it. xoxo Angie **

**Who did this to you?**

Lpov:

4 months later

Since the day that Rose punched Eddie, she changed. A lot. She pushes all of us away, she pays attention in classes, she doesn't pick up on fights, and every second she has free she's in the gym practicing. She skips all the meals. She just comes in, grabs an apple or something like that and goes to the gym.

Just as I was thinking of her, she entered the cafeteria. She looked horrible. She was wearing black shorts and a black sports bra. Her long, dark brown hair was tied in a messy ponytail on the top of her head, and she was wearing her tennis shoes. She had black circles under her eyes and she was really pale. Not as pale as us moroi but almost like it. She had lost a lot of weight as well. Her ribs were sticking out and you could see every single muscle on her like if she had no skin or fat on herself.

She went over to the food counter and grabbed a bottle of water and an apple and left, probably to go to the gym again.

The worst thing was that I had no idea why she was acting so different. If I at least knew how to help her, but she didn't want to tell me anything.

I looked over to Eddie, Christian, and Adrian. They were all staring at the place where Rose was about 2 minutes ago.

"Guys, we have to talk to her and make her tell us what is wrong. I can't just watch her destroy herself anymore. She's my best friend, I have to do something." I said standing up ready to go.

"You're right cousin. Did you guys see how pale and skinny she was?" Adrian responded while standing up as well. We all nodded and left to go to the gym to talk to Rose.

She was in the gym listening to music and punching the punching bag. She heard the door open and quickly turned around. Wow, she was fast.

"What do you want?" She asked in a very tired voice.

"Rose, I can't watch you destroy your self anymore. You changed so much and it hurts me to not know ehy. Please tell me how I can help you." I begged her.

"Yeah, We want our rude, sarcastic, and annoying Rose back. "Christian said and I was actually surprised that he said something. He wasn't the kind of person that would say what he really feels.

"You can't help me guys. I'm lost. He left me and there is nothing left than to train to be the best guardian I can be." She replied in a sad voice.

"Who left you Rose? You were going out with somebody?" Eddie asked curious and had the look on his face that said I'm going to kill the person that hurt my little sister. Eddie and Rose got very close after the Spokane incident. You could see in both of their eyes that they cared for each other like siblings.

"It doesn't matter. He said he loved me and he would always be there for me. Now he's gone." She said blinking away tears.

"Rose, your aura is all black and grey. It does matter. You are our friend and we want to help you. Please just let us." Adrian said looking at the empty space around her.

"Just leave me the fuck alone! I don't need or want your damn help!" She screamed at us tears falling down her face. I was so shocked that she was crying. Rose never cries. She is the strongest person I know. This is more serious that I thought. I didn't know what I was doing next. I stepped closer to her.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, Tell me now who hurt you and how." I said using compulsion. Her watery eyes turned blank as she answered.

"Dimitri Belikov. We were in love and he left me to be with Natasha Ozera." She said not aware I was using compulsion. I was so shocked I stumbled back a few steps and lost connection with Rose's eyes. She shook her head a little to clear her head. When she realized what happed she was pissed.

"How dare you use fucking compulsion on me Lissa! I thought we were best friends. Guess I was wrong." She said with a murderous look on her face. She walked over to bench in the gym and grabbed her bag. Then she pushed through all of us, and just before she opened the door, she gave me one of her death glares and then she left.

I fell to the ground crying.

"Well that didn't go very well." Said Adrian like nothing extremely bad happened.

"No shit Adrian." Said Christian while sitting on the floor taking me in his arms.

"I made it all worse." I whimpered. "She hates me now."

"No Liss, She may be mad but she certainly doesn't hate you. You are like sisters. You will get through this." Christian said while rubbing small circles on my hands.

"I hope you're right." I sobbed into his shirt.

RPOV:

I can't believe she used her stupid compulsion on me! She said she would never do that, that she will wait for me to tell her what she wants to know. She betrayed me. She just forced me to tell her what was my deepest secret! What if someone herd? I could get expelled and I would never be a guardian if I get expelled. That was the only thing that mattered now. I didn't spend four months working out like crazy just to get thrown out because of something that happened in the past. If Dimitri stayed, I would maybe give up being a guardian for him, but he doesn't want me. I herd a nock on my door.

"Who is it?" I asked really hoping it wasn't Lissa

"Rose it's me Liss." Hell no. I don't care what she has to say to me.

"Rose please forgive me. I didn't mean to use compulsion on you, but you wouldn't tell me who hurt you otherwise." She said and that got me all worked up again.

"Well if I'm not telling you it means I don't want you to know." I said coldly.

"Rose please," she started but I cut her off.

"Lissa just shut the hell up and go fuck with someone else. I think Fire boy might be volunteering." I can't believe I just said that to Lissa, my best friend, but she distracts me from training and I can't have that. I hope that they will just leave me alone.


	4. This is going way too far

**This is going way to far.**

Rpov: 

I was sitting in my bed thinking about everything that has happened in my life. I was getting more depressed day by day. I felt empty and alone. I know it's my fault that I pushed everybody away but if I want to be the best guardian ever I have to sacrifice some stuff. As they were always telling me 'They come first'. We have to protect them in order for us to survive.

"I have to go do something or I'll end up like Lissa when she was depressed." I said to myself. Lissa was cutting herself to focus on the physical pain and get away from the emotional pain. As I was thinking about this, I felt a weird urge to try it. I went to my bathroom I picked up my razor blade. I couldn't resist as I was putting it closer and closer to my wrist. When the cold metal touched my skin I slid the razor blade and watched it pierce my skin. I felt the pain hit me right when I saw the little streams of blood coming out of the fresh wound. It was like nothing else than the pain coming from my wrist existed. I forgot everything about my friends, about my dreams, about the school, and mainly about Dimitri leaving me. The pain consumed me and I was enjoying it, but then I looked at my wrist and saw the cut.

"What the fucking hell am I doing?" I screamed on the top of my lungs. In less than five seconds, I heard a nock on my door.

"Rose please open the door. It's me Adrian. Please just let me in." he was pleading me in a worried tone. I was wondering if he's been behind my door the whole day because no one could possibly get to my room so fast from the guest rooms.

"Why Adrian?" I asked stupidly like I had no idea what he wanted.

"I want to help you Rose. And not only me. Everybody is worried." He said and I was considering on letting him in. but then again my stubborn me didn't let me.

"Adrian I know you're worried but I think it would be best if you leave." I said as nicely as I could.

"No. I'm not leaving till you let me help you." He stated stubbornly. I just sighted and went to the bathroom to clean the cut. I still can't believe that I had cut my self. This depression thing is going really far.

"But don't you want to feel like that again? Like nothing is there but the nice comfortable pain? Like you don't have to worry about anything?" A little voice in my head said and I knew if I don't control it, it will control me.

"OMG, I'm going nuts! I'm talking about a little voice in my head controlling me!" I said starting to worry about my sanity.

"Adrian, how do you know if you're going crazy?" I asked through the door.

"Crazy people usually don't think they're crazy." Answered Adrian and I was a little bit surprised that he was still there.

"OK. Thanks Adrian." I answered and walked over to my bed. For some reason I was very tired.

"Anything for you little dhampir." He answered and right after that I fell asleep.

APOV(Adrian):

I was just walking over to Rose's door to see if she will maybe let me in and talk to me when I heard her scream "What the fucking hell am I doing?" I was a little bit scared for her when she screamed. What was she possibly doing?

"Rose please open the door. It's me Adrian. Please just let me in." I pleaded her very worried.

"Why Adrian?" She asked

"I want to help you Rose. And not only me. Everybody is worried." I said and it was the truth. Lissa was the worst. She knew what was wrong but she didn't know what to do. Rose would never even talk to her, she was still mad that Lissa used compulsion on her. She was thinking of calling Dimitri or Tasha to tell them what is happening but then she thought that Rose might be even more mad at her for telling them.

"Adrian I know you're worried but I think it would be best if you leave." Rose said in a nice way which really surprised me. She usually just snaps at us every time we want to talk to her.

"No. I'm not leaving till you let me help you." I said stubbornly as I sat on the floor leaning against it.

"Adrian, how do you know if you're going crazy?" She asked about ten minutes. Why was she asking? Does she think she's going crazy?

"Crazy people usually don't think they're crazy." I answered her waiting for her response.

"OK. Thanks Adrian." She said sounding very tired.

"Anything for you little dhampir." I said getting up from the floor. I walked over to my room and took a bottle of vodka. Then I got an idea. Rose won't let me in her room but she can't force me out of her dreams. I sat on my couch and tried to get in her head. I was lucky she was asleep.

I got the dream to look like the ski lodge. I don't know why, but I really liked it there. Probably because I met rose there. I made both of us look like we look in reality. She was wearing black skinny jeans, and a red long sleeve shirt.

"Adrian show yourself I know you're here!" She screamed and I stepped into her view.

**Hey guys! The dream idea came to me while writing this chapter and I have no idea what Adrian and Rose should talk about! If you have any ideas please please tell me! If you think rose is getting way too depressed and that I should make Dimitri come back already, say so. I will also not be able to update next week very often because it's my finals week and I have to study a lot.:(**** Xoxo Angie **


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